sometimes i wonder
i wonder how
how much people are
are actually accepting or judging me
judging me on what me do or say
but those are the times when i hit rock bottom
cos i know that at least in my safe warm coccon
there isnt
and i guess that what gives me the courage
the courage to do 3/4 of the stuff ive done so far
and prob soon to be doing too....heehee
but right now...
ive hit rock bottom once again
and cant help but wonder.....
and wonder
and wonder.......
wondering and thinking in my quite time
to sort out my thoughts...
thoughts which are all jumbled up
jumpled and messed up
so many things
no time to think
no time to reflect
just do
need my quiet time
but no time for it
i know i need to make time
but can't seem to find the time
the time to sit quietly
reflect and think
and its making me get
really really cranky
and something else...but i dont know what..haha
but yes everything i finish the week ie thursday
i have so much things which i was suppose to tihnk about but never did
and by thursday im hyer im cranky im dead im figity im generally not in a good mood
and i have to actually take time to get my mod ready for ccm...iused to be able to just go and i wld be in the right mood but now i find myself needing to sit downa dn calm my brain down an to focus
its like so noisey up there every thoguht clamouring to get my attention and me not being able to remember all of it at one go wld forget some and they wld come back to me again at the most inconvinent time
and yah...even then imnot the best person to talk to on thursdays
so many things wld be bothering me and i wld be thinking about it then then co thatslike my qt
with so many people around
me in some disconnected area
where i notice everybody and nobody notices me
thinking
watching
wondering.
at the end of the whole thing
venting
mymost fav part...
one downside
there sometimes there always seems to be someone there
who i odnt want to be there
and i cant vent to the fullest ofextent
and iget slightly hyper and figity
until i do so
i cant keep everything in me
even if the person listens and like
doesnt think abuot it
like what i do when someone dumps on me
at least i feel better...
its out and saying it
makesme think better....
okay okay.....
wastedenough time
go do my work.......