Interview with President Bushit
Posted on Sunday, April 18, 2004
Topic: Interviews


by Garangcock

Despite his hectic schedule; having to wage wars, kill Iraqis, create more trouble and at the same time make sure that his and his vice-president-linked oil companies are making profits, US President George Dubdew Bushit spent an afternoon with TalkingCock.com to share his views on the war in Iraq.

Below is an excerpt of the interview conducted in the Over Office where the former President Ball Cliton had his job blown up:

TC: Good day, sir. I can’t express how grateful we are to have the chance to interview a busy man like you.

BUSHIT: Oh, no problem. Just remember to make your check payable to Bushit.You’re from Singapore, right? In Africa?

TC: Erm… no sir, Singapore in Southeast Asia.

BUSHIT: [looked puzzled] oh… that one… yah… we just sent two remote-control cars over?

TC: Erm… no sir, we’re not from Mars. Anyway sir, what do you have to say about the trouble in Iraq?

BUSHIT: Mars? What Mars? I like Snickers better. Anyway… yeah, your question… Trouble? What trouble? I thought we’re making good profit… I mean progress… Iraq is a tough decision.

Saddam was getting out of hand. So, we had to go in to get rid of him. We have good intelligence that suggests Saddam and Osama are related. Both of them have bad genes. Furthermore, he has all the deadly weapons of mass destruction. This we are very certain of.

TC: Why is America so certain that Saddam has or had WMD?

BUSHIT: Of course we’re certain. We gave it to him when he was fighting Iran.

According to International Relations, your enemy’s enemy is your friend. At that time, Iran was our biggest enemy after the hostage incident. Therefore, Iraq became our friend.

At first, Saddam was sceptical about the effectiveness of our Mustard and VX gas and Anthrax. But after the experiment on the Iraqi Kurds organised by Rumsfeld, he was more assured.

He was supposed to be under our franchise scheme just like Israel, Taiwan, Korea, Japan and Singapore – oh yeah! That Singapore! – which woulda required him to buy raw material from us to produce his WMDs.

But we realised that he was pirating our products and making money at our expense. This had to stop.

I mean what if Saddam ended up making cheap and effective WMD? He’d be a threat to America and to the world! We’d have one more competitor.

So we hadda go in to get rid of him. We have to finish up what we started. This is called social responsibility.

TC: But why is it that no WMDs have been found in Iraq?

BUSHIT: Well… our intelligence people believe that Saddam’s WMDs are buried under the sand. There’s lotsa sand in Iraq. We have to believe what our intelligence people tell us otherwise who will?

We have very intelligent intelligence people, they know everything. Anyway, the WMD issue was just a small issue. We have a bigger plan in Iraq. Since Saddam was cheating on us for so long it is only right that we take back what is ours.

My VP Dick Heady suggested that we take over control of his oil. He suggested that we bomb and destroy everything. We can then go into Iraq to rebuild Iraq. A bit like Sim City. Ha ha ha! Amazing computer game! Too bad the latest version still doesn’t include war as a natural disaster. Hopefully, Sim City 5 will.

This is also about economics. We create the demand for construction and we provide the contractors! We can uplift the US economy too! Dick suggested we let his companies take over all reconstruction contracts and promise to gimme a few million bucks in commission. I thought, why not? Being a President doesn’t pay very well. Dick’s companies like Kellogge, Brawn and Roots always provide very good services and material. I heard a square meter of plywood costs US$90 from them. Must be very good plywood!

TC: How about the mounting casualties in Iraq? And the wavering global support?

BUSHIT: We’re winning! Just look at the scores! 40+ is to 600+… I mean we’re winning by great margin! If only I can recreate this kinda margin for the coming election. We have 250 million Americans and they have only 25 million Iraqis. We’ll surely win. And our super advanced hi-tech weapons help too. Our one bullet can kill three Iraqis. That is extremely cost-effective! We just finished testing our remote-controlled planes that can fire missiles at moving targets with great accuracy in Iraq. It can withstand extreme heat and sand storm. It comes with a one-year warranty including service and parts. We even give it a 30-day money back guarantee.

Please help us spread this message around! Interested parties can contact our sales office, I mean embassies, worldwide. We can arrange for a trial in Iraq. We have a live-firing range there and lotsa live targets!

As for global support… well, as you mentioned, the whole world thinks that what we’re doing in Iraq is right. We have a huge coalition consisting of big countries like Britain and small countries like Singapore. Everyone, even the Martians think that we’re right.

Any country that thinks otherwise should watch out. We’ll not sign any FTA with them. And we may convert you into our next firing range.

TC: Thank you for your precious time, sir.

BUSHIT: Yup! You bet my time is precious! Gotta go check out the latest scores!

http://www.talkingcock.com/html/article.php?sid=1385&mode=thread&order=0

hahhaa...gotthe artilae from there.....hmmmm....was too good to pass up....

sld be studying now...........